I recently went to an event in Los Angeles, hosted by Angeleno Magazine. I have always been a fan of Angeleno and, have always imagined myself being there, having my photo taken with the cool backdrop and bright lights and, hanging out with glamorous people.
I have not gone out to an event like this since I left the party scene many years ago. I took time out of the scene to reconnect with my truth.
I reconnected to the girl I lost years ago, the year I hid long ago because I felt she wasn’t good enough.
I became the real me and, it freed me.
I now teach woman how not to be shy, how to connect with others no matter their status, how to be confident with who they are at their core at any given time.
But to be real with you, guess what happened to me that night…
I froze. I became the old shy Mabel, once again. I felt out of place as though I didn’t belong.
I immediately told myself that I was not going to stay long because I wasn’t vibin’ with these types of people. I was telling myself that all these glamorous people were superficial and I had outgrown this stage of my life. That it wasn’t about the exterior but the interior of a human being that counts and, clearly these souls are not into that
Ok, I was tripping hard here….
I was assuming the worst of these people. The reason why I tripped was because I was triggered with an old belief.
I was glad this happened. It allowed me to reexerience what I had felt back in the day when I was that shy, insecure girl who had a hard time fitting in. The girl who always felt she didn’t belong and, relied on alcohol (and much more) to allow herself to come out and play, to engage and to connect with others.
So let me share my epiphany here…
I was feeling this way ’cause I was focused on an old belief. A belief that I’m not good enough. I’m not at same status of these people. I was afraid they’d ask me what I do for a living and then have to respond. I was judging what I do and comparing it to them.
I was putting myself below these people and making myself feel as though I was not at their level with weak, negative, destructive beliefs that obviously were not serving me.
I thought I was over these feelings and beliefs but, I realized something. I will probably revisit these beliefs here and there at certain times in my life and, just have to be kind to myself and realize that I am human. I will trip and fall at times, still be triggered, but the pick up will be faster and less painful.
You see, loving who you are, allowing yourself to be real, to show your true self no matter what, is courageous and takes practice. To feel worthy and good enough with who you are with anyone and anywhere is a practice.
A daily practice. You have to work on it all the time like a muscle or it gets weak.
Just as if you want to stay healthy and lean with a nice body. You then have to maintain the practice, the habit of eating right and working out or you lose it.
Loving you and exposing your truth, being super real is crucial to be magnetic, to be attractive, to be successful.
Once I had my epiphany of why I was trippin’ the first 10 minutes of the event with those crazy thoughts, I came back to my roots. I remember that I am worthy of it all. That I am an amazing soul with a purpose and that what I do is good enough and, to honor it and not compare myself to others. To not put others on pedestal and shine the light on them while diminishing mine. And what really matters is my energy, my soul, my heart, my light.
I also reminded myself that everyone here (at the event) is a loving soul and most likely feeling the same way too. They too want to feel comfortable and validated. They too have the same insecurities and beliefs. They too judge and compare themselves to others. ‘Cause believe it nor not, these feelings and thoughts are universal.
Every human experiences it. No one is excluded.
I then told myself not to stereotype these people for being here and being glamorous. I was judging them unfairly. I was assuming that they were snobby, unkind and unworthy of my attention. (hello, who’s the snob there, projection)
Ha…it’s crazy how we create these stories and then react to them with no proof that they are true. If you ask me, I believe we are all AWESOME but at the same time, kind of CRAY, CRAY. Our minds can get the best of us.
By the end of the evening, I had a great time and connected with such lovely souls and met some beautiful people.
I dropped the negative story, let go of the judgments, stop putting others above me on a pedestal, stopped diminishing what I do and who I am, stopped dimming my light by comparing myself to others and allowed myself to be me.
By the way, people fall in love with who you are, not what you do.
What we tell ourselves, our story can really determine how we behave in any given moment. Once I flipped the script, it was all good.
Hope this message serves you. If so, I’d love to hear about it.
Remember to be you, to be real and to be bold.