When I was 30 years old, I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life due to wanting to fit in with society and prove I was worthy, due to wanting to feel ‘good enough’ and loved.
Back then, I would do anything for love, even sell my soul.
That mistake was to get married to a man I knew in my heart was not the one for me.
I was recently engaged with a beautiful ring on my finger, yet I wasn’t FEELING it. (hint: feeling)
I was waking up every single morning at 3 am with a feeling of doom. I could not shake it off. My aunt then suggested I see her psychic for answers. This was a time in my life when I was so disconnected to my intuition, I heavily relied on other’s wisdom.
I drove out to Thousand Oaks, ’bout an hour away from Los Angeles, to meet Eleanor.
I remember walking up the driveway and stopping to see this woman through the window dressed all in black with her back facing me, swaying back and forth to the rhythm of the strings of the harp she was playing. The music was enchanting and it was soothing to my soul. It felt as though it was a sign from above confirming I was supposed to be there.
I knocked on the door and she opened immediately.
“Hello, you must be Mabel” she warmly said while opening her arms to give me a hug.
“Yes, hi” I greeted back surprisingly comfortable to giving her a hug even though I just met her.
We sat at her dining room table where we began our session. It was then I learned of something important, Saturn’s Return.
It’s when the planet Saturn fully completes its cycle around the sun and earth from the time one is born. It usually takes 29.4 years. One will start to feel the effect of the return of Saturn from the ages of 28-30. And, guess what?
I was feeling it and, I was 30.
It felt heavy and confusing. I knew something was trying to get my attention but didn’t know what it was.
She then said, “When Saturn returns to your birth place, you will be pushed to grow up. This is a time in life when most start to ask life changing questions such as “Who am I? What do I want to be when I grow up? What is my reason for living and being?”
Yep, the big, heavy questions we don’t bother to ask ourselves until the universe pushes us too.
She then told me I was at the fork of the road and, whichever road I took, I would have to deal with for the next 30 years.
I took a big gulp and felt my chest tighten. I was FEELING uncomfortable the moment I thought about spending the rest of my life with a man I felt did not love and respect me and I as well.
I drove home that night with a pensive mind. “What do I do?” I kept asking myself over and over again.
I was afraid to make a decision but knew one had to be made sooner than later.
I had to sit with what I was FEELING, what was in my heart as I know for sure, the heart never lies. Somehow, it already knows the truth.
I was afraid to be alone and afraid I would not find someone who I had so much in common with. I also was trippin’ on the fact that I was already 30. Most people are getting married at this age and not leaving a relationship. I felt I had put so much time into it (7 years) to let it go down the tubes.
You see, all my reasons for staying where coming from my head, from my ego, from fear. My ego wanted me to maintain safety, while my soul was speaking to me through my heart, through my FEELINGS.
I finally made the decision and followed the heart.
Let me just say, the next morning after I left my ex, I no longer woke up at 3 am with the sensation of doom.
I was liberated and I was happy again.
I let go even though I felt the fear.
I learned how my soul was speaking to me and to always trust the heart and not the mind.
As I move through my life now, I trust my heart and know without a doubt, that every time I do, even though I feel fear, it leads me to a life of bliss.
So now, let me ask you “What is your heart telling you to let go of? Remember your feelings are the true indicator of what needs to be done. Please share you comments below.
Thank you for being here with me and always remember to be you, to be real and to be bold.