Hmm…thus far, this year has been cray, cray.
I’ve been having massive epiphanies and yesterday’s has been the best yet.
It was my birthday and I woke up feeling funky. Yep, on my bday.
My husband sang Happy Birthday and I was not feeling it (totally bratty, I know)
Anyway, I realized that I do this thing on my birthday every year, where I go over what I have accomplished or mostly, what I have not. And, if I have not accomplished what I think I SHOULD have, then I get sad.
I don’t allow myself to appreciate ME and all that I HAVE accomplished. I am my worst critic. I need to release the harsh judgment of believing that I don’t do enough, of not being enough and comparing the current life I have now to what I THINK I should be having.
So much pressure, really…
Then my husband made reservations at a MALL restaurant. As soon as I found out, I rejected the whole idea. I thought, a mall restaurant? Really?!! He insisted it was going to be great ’cause is received 5 stars. So, my brain immediately started to see the glass half empty.
I complained. I rejected.
First of all, it’s at the mall, then secondly, it’s all the way in Beverly Hills, which is far. Thirdly, it was set at 6:30 pm when everyone and their mommas will be on the road.
He also choose this restaurant ’cause it’s a ‘family’ type of place and we now have an 8 month old son. I told him I wanted our son there with us, however, I guess I didn’t realize that NOW, things have changed and, we really can’t go to those super trendy Hollywood restaurants, where you get glammed up.
He reminded me that these places are not suitable for families and, it’s not cool or sexy to bring a kid nor a big bulky stroller to these sorts of establishments.
Holy crap, I started to take in the reality that my life has truly changed.
As we made our way to Beverly Hills, we hit massive traffic. I was becoming anxious as I didn’t want to be late. My ego was also having’s it moment with me saying “See? Look at all this traffic, I told you so.”
I was so anxious I began to feel my mode change. I was not enjoying the moment with my husband, sister, who travelled from Denver to be with me and, my amazing childhood friend of 28 years.
I was robbing myself of joy, of the gift of being happily present with the most precious people in my life, of being in the moment.
Why was I rejecting what I was experiencing at the current moment?
Well, I believe I was not willing to let go of an ideal expectation, the idea of how I thought my birthday should be.
So, I was not embracing what WAS in front of me ’cause I was still stuck on how it SHOULD be.
My epiphany was, to trust that the universe is giving me exactly what I need and to trust that I’m going to enjoy what’s in store and what is presently being offered to me. To let go of what I think it should be, of the perfectionism and to just BE and receive.
I told myself that even though this is not what I’m used to or how I imagined it should be, it’s going to be great, amazing and maybe even better.
The moment I realized that I was rejecting the present, I made a powerful decision.
The decision to let go. I took a deep breath and immediately did so.
I felt the release in my body. In that second, I became present and receive the gift that life was giving me.
I put on some jams in the car and engaged in the most hilarious convos with my family.
And, had the best damn dinner ever-A 15 course meal (not including the 5 desserts)
Actually, it wasn’t dinner, but more of an amazing dining experience. It was a beautiful restaurant with one of the best customer service experiences I’ve ever had.
I totally recommend this place. It’s called Cal Mar in Beverley Hills. I mean this place was no joke and yes, it was attached to the mall, but who the hell cares? I know I did at first, but to be real, it’s the bomb.com
But trust me, Cal Mar is a must go, try and indulge.
So, my lesson, was to let go of the perfectionism, the idealistic expectations, trust that the universe is giving something amazing, be present, be grateful and embrace change.
To trust that I am exactly where I need to be in my life and, not judge myself for what I believe I should have accomplished.
And, most importantly, to accept what IS and not what I THINK should be.
Always, remember to be you, be real and be bold.
PS. I would love to hear from you. What are you currently not accepting in your life due to being attached to the ideal expectation of what you THINK it should be? Share in the comments below.